4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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