Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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