So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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