There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
