I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
