I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
