I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize