just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize