Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
