YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
