They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
