We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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