Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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