can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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