I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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