just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
