I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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