how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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