please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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