No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize