looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
