She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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