I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
