I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
