i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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