And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
