I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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