Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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