haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize