Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
