so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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