Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
