Will you blow on my dice?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
