just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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