Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
