There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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