It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
