I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize