I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
