Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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