Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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