im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize