Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
