We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
