They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
