Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
