Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
