I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
