And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize