Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
