based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
