I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
