Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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