i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
