I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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