Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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