I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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