There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
