I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
