the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
