I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
