I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize