i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
