6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
