Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
