I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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