you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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