oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
