Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
