Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
