I bet he comes in French.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
