Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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