Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
