the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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