His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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