I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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