bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
