At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
