she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
