People in love make me want to vomit
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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