I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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