i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
