Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
