Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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