I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
