No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
