At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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