Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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