i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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