Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
