the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
