is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
