You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
