drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
