His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
