i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he thought i was a dude.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
