I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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